There is a concept in psychology called archetypes, originally presented (in western culture anyway) by the famous psychologist and author Carl Jung. In more contemporary works the author and medical intuitive Carolyn Myss dives deeper into the topic of archetypes. I highly encourage you to read or listen to both of these authors especially if you have an interest in psychology and mental/emotional/spiritual healing! It’s quite fascinating, and you’ll start to see archetypes in everyone you come across.
When talking about archetypes I also include other realms like that of gods and goddesses, mythical characters, elements, astrology. For instance when we look at children in our lives, or perhaps think back to our nature as a child, we may see fire fairies, ancient mermaids, angel energies, earth giants, tiny queens and kings….
And this brings me to what is incredibly important when tending to your inner child: let it be creative, let it be playful…let it be kind.
Why Work With Archetypes?
Working with archetypes allows us to identify different aspects of our psyche, the programs and/or qualities we may be currently running. The interesting thing is that in truth ALL of the archetypes are within us to some degree. Clinical speaking, exploring the concept with myself and patients has several benefits:
- It helps to discern what areas need healing, and a phrase that comes up often in sessions is figuring out what aspects of self are “running the show”. A frightened inner child? A frustrated inner teen?
- It can depersonalize our struggles when we realize these archetypes are present in our collective consciousness as a whole, and thus are areas most individuals are working on integrating, alchemizing, and/or rebalancing.
- We can lean into our gifts, cultivating that which feels good and self empowering.
- We can lean into the shadows, again knowing its not necessarily personal failures, more so opportunities for deeper self awareness and empowerment.
- And specifically when we cultivate a healthy relationship with our inner child, working with archetypes can be an incredibly powerful access point into healing trauma, anxiety, depression and chronic illness.
For the purposes of this article we are going to focus on the inner child. In general when we refer to inner child we are looking at the aspect of you that is from birth to 8 or 9 years old. After that we are looking more at the inner adolescent/teen which we will go into in another article.
In my practice a common pattern I see is related to this: the inner child at some point did not feel safe. And when I mean inner child, I mean YOU as a child. So rather than being in the free exploratory, curious, joy and expressive childlike state, the focus became around being safe and having one’s basic needs met.
The Inner Child ends up in the wrong role, functioning as the protector, and they can get stuck in this role well into adulthood. Children, especially young children, are not mature nor inherently logical beings, rather they are intuitive and emotional (how it is supposed to be). Think about things that perhaps felt so true or important to us as a child or teen. Then, as we grow we learn more about the complexity of life, and thus our understanding and perspective expands. The classic example is how we view our parents. We often grow in our capacity to understand how they affected us, AND grow in our ability to be compassionate with their imperfections.
The goal of inner child work is to place the Inner Child in the correct role, which is that of inspiring play curiosity, creativity, kindness, and allowing the adult self to be the parent and protector.
Let’s talk about some signs and symptoms that warrant inner child work:
- Being Highly Sensitive/Empathic: ie being able to read the emotions of others.
- People Pleasing: a tendency to modulate one’s own behavior to avoid triggering the emotions of another.
- OCD like tendencies (often with childhood trauma this type of behavior starts young). Think about rigidity around how one’s room or toys may be set up, increasing pickiness or fear around foods or eating, rituals before bed.
- Digestive Issues: So often digestive issues stem from nervous system dysregulation, which often begins in childhood. Stomach aches for instance are a common sign of anxiety in children.
- Borderline Personality Disorder/Bipolar/Schizophrenia: Sometimes in cases of more extreme sensitivity or traumatic experiences there can be a splitting of one’s emotional body, i.e. dissociation. This also runs in families so consider ancestral trauma.
- Chronic Flight or Fight Mode: Especially if you or someone you are working with doesn’t realize they are in this, or cannot even imagine what it would be like to be “relaxed’. Often it starts so young that it just feels like the only way.
- Anxiety and Depression Disorders: These are often two sides of a coin, one is not feeling safe, whether in the world or simply safe to be their authentic self. And depression is that loss of curiosity and joy, hope that is so natural for the healthy child.
- If you remember being told that you were “Mature for One’s Age”: Rudolf Steiner for instance shared a lot about the psycho-spiritual development of children, and that in cases of stress and trauma, a child’s spirit can ground into their body and ego can “come online” earlier than ideal in order to “stay safe”.
- Difficulty in Relationships: Carolyn Myss refers to the wounded inner child, and how operating from this place ultimately affects our ability to love unconditionally and makes it difficult to set and hold boundaries.
- Any Chronic Disease: You may laugh here, but it’s true. I have yet to encounter a person on a healing journey that didn’t have some aspect of their childhood and inner child to transmute.
- Being a Human: Again, the system is not built to really honor childhood, and even with the best intentions, some of the gifts of childhood are essentially prematurely shut down in favor of academic accomplishment and intellectual development.
Starting the Journey of Inner Child Work
First, Set the Intention.
I would like to meet my inner child, and show them they are loved.
Beginning this work is simply a matter of considering it. When we draw attention to something, and when we shine a light on a possibility, it inevitably starts to move. And as we know from the deep study of the physical body and even our emotional processing abilities, MOTION is required for healing, and often all that is needed.
Your/Our whole system, mind-body-heart-spirit-qi-soul, all of it, is designed to heal. Nature works towards balance and settles into love, we just need to shine the light on that which needs to be seen, and allow it to move.
Second, See Without Judgement.
Sit in meditation, light a candle, close your eyes and breathe. Perhaps visualize a swing, or a beautiful meadow of wildflowers and invite your inner child to be seen.
Don’t overthink this, the inner vision becomes more clear with time. The first things to notice is how old do “you” look, what are you wearing, how does it feel to gaze upon the child you? Is she smiling? Is he scared? Is she angry?
Third, Offer Love and Safety
Tell her she is safe here. Ask him if he would like a hug? Tell her she is so loved. Ask him about his fears.
Often there will be emotions, and sometimes even memories that come up here. There may be specific situations that were defining moments, these are often quite vivid still as adults. Occasionally we do suppress traumatic memories, so if something feels vague, that could be the case. Or else we were so young and memory works differently. A simple practice is to hold your inner child and tell them something you feel they need to hear. Often this is something you didn’t receive as a child.
Simply acknowledging yes that was hard, yes that was scary, yes that was unfair, I understand how you can feel that way and your feelings are important to me.
In the realm of the inner child avoid trying to fix, or using logic to explain, keep the words simple and direct. Children are innately innocent, and yet they are also naturally incredibly intuitive and wise. The energy often moves with simple safe support.
Fourth, Hold the Space for Play
Ask her how to have fun, how to enjoy the moment. Let me see you explore, what do you notice? Let him dance and run and jump.
As mentioned above, our inner child remains as a reminder of curiosity, exploration, joy, pure unbridled self expression…..
I like to imagine placing the inner child in the seat of the heart. Safe and held in love, and inspiring genuine enjoyment of this life. Spend some time allowing yourself, (your adult self) to create. You can check out the article on Art As Medicine, as art and music is an amazing way to call forth a healed and healthy inner child!
Some other practices that can be very healing is writing a letter from your adult self to your inner child, and vice versa! Also, working with a trusted guide to get you into a meditative state can also help with the visualization especially if you are new to meditation and journey work.
With love from my inner child to yours.