Mindfulness and self-compassion are now buzzwords for self-improvement. In fact, you’ll find that a growing body of research shows that these practices can lead to real mental health benefits. Ongoing, voluminous, and worldwide research clearly shows you how and why these two practices work.
One effective way for you to cultivate mindfulness and self-compassion is through meditation.
Let’s define mindfulness and self-compassion. Mindfulness means purposefully paying attention to the present moment with an attitude of interest or curiosity rather than judgment. As for self-compassion, it involves being kind and understanding toward yourself, even during moments of suffering or failure. Both of these practices are associated with greater well-being.
Now, don’t confuse self-compassion with self-esteem or self-centeredness, or assume that it somehow lowers your standards, motivation, or productivity. Instead, research shows that self-compassion is linked with greater motivation, less procrastination, and better relationships.
You might be wondering if mindfulness meditation could be the next public health revolution. Well, be patient when starting a meditation practice. When you tried meditation as a college student in the late ’90s, you didn’t like it the first time. You felt like a failure when your mind wandered, and you interpreted that as a sign that you couldn’t do it.
In both your own and others’ meditation practices, you’ll notice that the beginning is often rocky and full of doubt, resistance, and distraction. But what seem like impediments can actually enhance your meditation practice because the mental work of handling them builds strength.
During the first six months of your meditation journey, your body and mind may be restless. You might want to get up and do other tasks. However, you didn’t. Eventually, it became easier for you to notice your urges and thoughts without acting upon them. You didn’t get as upset with yourself.
After about a year of consistent meditation, you found that your mind seemed more organized and controllable. It no longer got stuck in self-critical loops. You started feeling a sense of kindness or friendliness toward yourself in everyday moments, as well as during joyful or difficult experiences. You even enjoyed ordinary activities more, such as walking or cleaning.
It took a while for you to understand that anytime you sit down and try to meditate, that’s meditation. It’s a mental process, rather than a destination.
Let’s talk about how meditation works on your mind. Just having a general intention to be more mindful or self-compassionate is unlikely to work. Most programs shown to make meaningful differences involve at least seven sessions. Studies show that these repeated workouts improve your attention skills and decrease rumination, or repeated negative thinking. They also lessen self-criticism, which is linked to numerous mental health difficulties, including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Remember, meditation is not just about sustaining your attention—it’s also about shifting and returning your focus after the distraction. The act of shifting and refocusing cultivates your attention skills and decreases rumination.
As you try repeatedly to refrain from self-judgment during the session, you’ll train your mind to be less self-critical. The default mode network, an interconnected group of brain regions, is strikingly affected by meditation. Much of this network’s activity reflects repetitive thinking, such as a rehash of a decades-long tension with your sister. It’s most prominent when you’re not doing much of anything. The activity of the default mode network is related to rumination, unhappiness, and depression.
Research shows that just one month of meditation reduces the noise of the default mode network. The type of meditation practice doesn’t seem to matter.
So, don’t be discouraged if your mind wanders as you meditate. It’s a common experience. Now, let’s talk about establishing the formal practice.
Here’s a common misconception about mindfulness: it’s not simply a way to relax or clear the mind. Instead, it means intentionally paying attention to your experiences in a nonjudgmental way. Consider meditation as the formal part of your practice, where you set aside specific time to work on mindfulness and self-compassion techniques.
When cultivating mindfulness through meditation, you often focus on paying attention to your breath. Find a comfortable place to sit, and bring your attention to your breathing, wherever you feel it most strongly.
At some point, probably after a breath or two, your mind will wander to another thought or feeling. Once you notice this, bring your attention back to the breath without judgment, and continue for five to 10 minutes.
In the beginning, you may find yourself redirecting your attention dozens or even hundreds of times during a 20-to-30-minute session. To help, you can count 10 breaths, and then another 10, linking your mind to the task of paying attention to your breathing.
For cultivating self-compassion, the most well-established technique is called loving-kindness meditation. Find a comfortable position, and for at least five minutes, internally repeat phrases like, “May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I live with ease.” If your attention wanders, bring it back without self-judgment and continue repeating the phrases. You can also offer these well wishes to other people or to all beings if you’d like.
Every time you bring your focus back to your practice without judgment, you’re strengthening your mental awareness because you noticed your mind wandered. You also improve your ability to shift attention, which is a valuable anti-rumination skill, and cultivate nonjudgment, which serves as an antidote to self-criticism.
These practices really work. Studies show that brain activity during meditation reduces self-judgment, depression, and anxiety, and decreases rumination.
Remember, mindfulness can also be experienced by tuning into present-moment sensations, like tasting your food or washing the dishes.
To truly transform your thinking, it’s important to establish an ongoing routine of both formal and informal practice. Doing it once in a while won’t be as helpful. It’s similar to doing situps: a single situp won’t strengthen your abdominal muscles, but doing several sets each day will.
When thoughts pop up during meditation, don’t worry. Simply start again, and again, and again.
Now, let’s talk about how meditation reduces self-criticism. Research shows that mindfulness meditation and loving-kindness meditation can reduce self-criticism, leading to better mental health with lower levels of depression, anxiety, and PTSD. After an eight-week mindfulness program, participants experienced less self-judgment, which was linked to decreases in depression and anxiety.
One final point: if you’re a beginner in meditation, you may find that self-criticism gets worse before it gets better. After years or decades of habitual self-judgment, it’s common to judge yourself harshly for losing focus during meditation. But as you persist through the first few weeks of practice, the self-judgment tends to diminish, both about meditation and about yourself in general.
You have the ability to become more stable, detach from unhelpful thoughts, and develop more compassion and love for yourself. Keep practicing, and you’ll experience the positive transformations within yourself.