Shadows and Light: Ritual for Release

We are approaching the Winter Solstice, the darkest point of the year; when the veils are thin and we connect to the quiet aspects of self. Depending on where you are in the world, and when you read this article, nature may be within the depths of her winter, or not. If you are a bleeding woman, you connect to this energy of the death cycle that is Winter every time you approach and begin to bleed. And again even if this is not the case for you, you will still experience these phases along your path. Those times of limbo and of the in-between; when what was is quickly fading, and what’s to come has yet to take shape. So many of us are in these spaces in this present moment, so much is yet to be determined.

A powerful practice during these times is to reminisce, feel into and look at the stories from your past. Often when we are in these in-between moments in life, there is a desire to create something new, for things to be different–better perhaps. In order to create space for what we wish to walk into, we must let go of what was, we must release attachments to the past self and stories.

Most of us, whether intentional or not, are holding on to aspects of the past. Both those stories and experiences that were painful, as well as those full of bliss. We hold onto painful experiences often as a means of self protection. We hold onto the blissful moments to define who we are, how we wish to be, what in our past have we used, to put simply, “like” ourselves. What I have found is that until we are willing to let go of all of it, both the shadows and light from the past, we cannot fully move forward. If we are committed to holding onto stories we like, it is difficult to let go of the stored pain and trauma.

Rather, I encourage you to think about this possibility. Allow yourself to be who you are at this moment. Everything that has happened in your life has integrated itself within the expression of you that exists today. Notice how it would feel to let go of all the many experiences and qualities you have used to define yourself. As we do this, we may find that some of the definitions no longer apply, or never really did. They were created by others, or created in response to feedback from others, as opposed to what was authentically us.

In order to let go of the story, we often have to first tell it. I invite you to consider the many voices and perspectives within us that can be the storyteller. Notice when you begin to feel into your story, what comes up first? Is it the hardships, or the blessings? Is the pain, or the empowered self. BOTH are essential to listen to, as to not bypass our pain, for if we do not acknowledge it, it remains. And at the same time, if we continue to tell our story from that perspective, if we hold onto the WOUNDED storyteller, we in a way, require its presence within us, in order to define ourselves. If we tell our story through the lens of the BLESSINGS, it is often more empowering, as it focuses on the lessons, how our path has shaped us into who we are today. When we share from this perspective, we weave into the collective consciousness, as the Hero or Heroine of our own Journey. And still, holding onto that which we find blessing in, from the past, keeps us there. The whole self, the integrated self, is made of Shadows and Light, and all that is in between. The Yin and Yang, ever present and essential.

The following practice is a simple way to start to let go of the past Shadows and Light, those that are ready to be seen and integrated, to allow yourself to step more fully into who you are, and how you walk through the world in this NOW.

Shadows and Light Ritual

1. Ideally this will be done at nighttime, and if you can, on the night of the Winter Solstice. You will need a journal or blank paper. You will also need a source of fire. Ideally a fireplace, or outdoor fire pit. You can also use a candle or match, just make sure to have a cast iron or other safe place to burn the papers. If fire is not available, you can just light a candle and then bury the pieces of paper in the earth.
2. You can add in herbal allies to assist your journey. Blue Lotus Tea, Cacao, Mugwort/Damiana Tea and other sacred plants, depending on your own personal practice. Smudging with Sage, Cedar, Mugwort or resins such as Copal or Frankincense can be wonderful as well, as these sacred smokes cleanse energetic bodies as we sit in ceremony.
3. Gather your paper:
   • Shadows: On one page write your story from the perspective of the pain. This can be actual experiences, or the fears, emotions, doubts that your experiences have left you with. What do you judge about yourself and your path? What guilt and shame do you hold? What anger? What anxiety? What from the past has affected who you are today. You may benefit from writing a lengthy journal entry, or else you can simply write a few short phrases or words that represent the Shadows.
   • Light: On the other paper, write your story from the perspective of the blessings. What do you like about yourself? What have you learned or gained from the path your life has taken? What stories when you look back, elicit pride, make you feel good about yourself? And similar to the Shadows part, you can write a lot or else keep it to the themes.
4. Sit in front of the fire, first with the Shadows. Feel into everything that came up for you, everything that you wrote down. Stare into the flames and let yourself come totally into the present. Honor your shadows, offer gratitude for the pain, acknowledge that yes, this was painful, or perhaps still is. Speak something along these lines: “I release the stories from my past, I acknowledge the pain as being real, I acknowledge any trauma I may have experienced, and I invite my body and spirit to let it go, allowing myself to be who I am in this moment. I do not need to hold onto the past to be safe. The lessons are integrated into my being. I am a wise and loving human being”.
5. When you are ready, burn the paper with the shadows.
6. Next repeat the exercise with the Light. Smile as you look back at your past self, all those aspects you enjoyed, those times you felt important, strong. “I release the stories from my past, I acknowledge the blessings and happy times as real. I do not need to hold onto these stories to define me. I trust that the lessons and blessings are integrated into my present being. I am ready to let go of who I was, to allow myself to be who I am becoming. I am a wise and loving human being.”
7. When you are ready, burn the paper with the light.
8. Sit quietly for at least 15-20 minutes, simply breathing, feeling the space that has been created. Try to simply be present as much as possible, do not attach to the thoughts, imagine yourself as a blank slate, fully in limbo, undefinable.
9. Try to go to bed shortly afterwards, or perhaps dancing, stretching, creating art. Whatever you feel like doing that is still within this energy of the undefined NOW.
10. When you wake, get your journal out, and write down. Who am I today, this morning? How do I feel? What do I want in life, from this empty space.

You can repeat this practice whenever you feel ready for rebirth, even daily, for every day, every moment, we are being simultaneously dismantled and reborn, every moment is an opportunity to be present, loving, authentic and free.

Blessings to you, on your healing journey.